so here goes

This past few weeks has been a total nightmare for me. There's a lot of shits happening and my mind had been occupied by the smallest thing in the world. Although its been years, it still hurts. The pain never goes away. I still felt the same old knife stabbing me again and again right in the middle. Peh, painful siot.

I miss him. I miss him a lot. Its just the memories keeps coming back, although there's none to begin with. I'm not sure which hurts me the most; the fact that you left without saying a thing or the fact that you're the first guy with guts plenty enough to be the first to leave. Either one, it still hurts. I think about it everyday. Every single bloody day.

But of course, you don't know how it feels. Lu apa tahu??

If I could go face and strangle him, I would. The thing is, its there. Some where, deep down. I hate being so corny and all but things like this don't usually happens. I hate to see Lys beg for me to stop cry and think about it. I hate seeing people worried about me.

Ni semua kau punya pasal.

But its fine. I don't blame him. He may had been the guy who started it all, but every heart beat of mine is his. Even if we both had moved on to a level where we can't remember each other's name.

I know I'll never forget my first, S.I
I forgive you.